I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Randomize
