Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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