she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
