the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize