Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
it was like eating out sand paper
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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