Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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