My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
She's just so happy...and so naked.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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