I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
