i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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