dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
