dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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