How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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