I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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