Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Randomize
