So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Randomize