:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
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