FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Randomize
