I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
There r osticjed everywhere
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
