I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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