Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
