I wanna passion pit in your ass
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
