Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize