i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Randomize
