at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
