It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
