My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
