Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
