Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
