im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
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