Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
