I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
