My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
The struggles of a small town man whore
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
