He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
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