I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
