You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize