Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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