She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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