You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
