Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize