oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
