Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
