You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
