Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Randomize
