apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
try to milk me bitch
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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