I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize