I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
