How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
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