We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Every concussion has its silver lining
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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