You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
