so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
