Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
