i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
