it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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