There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Randomize
