piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
