I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
