he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
