Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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