I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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