I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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