there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
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