I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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