I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
