But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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