the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize