He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
