I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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