Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
