no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
