my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
