Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
