my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
what the fuck happened to the tacos
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
