dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
