I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
