dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize
